How I weaned my child

I want to preface this by saying that all children are different, what worked for me, may not work for y’all. But I wanted to chronicle this for myself, and for all the weaning caregivers out there.

My child has breastfeed on demand day and night from the time she was born up until I decided to wean. Once she hit age 1 ½, she learned to get what she needed faster, but she still nursed to sleep for naps and bedtime as well as during the night.

When she turned two I developed a nursing aversion which I remedied by cutting out nursing during the daytime. By 2½ my aversion was back in full force and I knew I was on the path to weaning her completely.

Because my child is very sensitive, loving, and cuddly, I knew our weaning journey would have to be slow and gradual in order to avoid a big dustup. Some caregivers can wean cold turkey, but I wanted the shift to be gentle both for her, and for my body and hormones.

I started out by reading books to her about weaning. My favorite being Sally Weans from Night Nursing because it had a black mom and daughter in it. We read it often for a few months, I talked to her about it, and told her soon, she would be like Sally and be done with nursing at night too.

In the mean time I cut out all morning and nap nursing times. She was unhappy, but I assured her that she could nurse at bedtime, and that typically got her through. She started rarely napping, but it worked out better because she sleep for 10 hours at night with no nap.  At bedtime as she was nursing, I would kiss her, and remind that soon, when she turned 3, “boobers” as we called it, would be all gone.

I also enlisted the help of my spouse, her godmother, and my friends to talk to her about it OFTEN when it rose up in conversation. So she good and well knew what to expect.

A month before her 3rd birthday, I began the process of cutting out night nursing. We nursed to sleep, and maybe again if she woke up before 11 pm. After that, any other requests for milk were met with a “I know you’re upset, I’m sorry, boobers is all gone for now” . Sometimes I offered water, or a piece of apple, but typically she fussed, sometimes even full out hollered, but I just stayed with her, acknowledged her feelings, and she would fall back asleep within 10 minutes. Only once did she stay up for an hour and half.

After two weeks of only nursing to sleep, other than the occasional dustup, she was sleeping through the night. I continued to read the book, remind her DAILY that on her birthday, that boobers would be gone. I even did 10 day countdown. I emphasized how she was a big girl, and we encouraged her to drink water to stay hydrated. I made sure she was getting healthy fats in the form of a DHA supplement.

Then the big day arrived, the night before her third birthday. I explained that this was her last boobers, and that tomorrow on her birthday , boobers was gone. I kissed her loads, took some pics, and she feel asleep on the breast.

The next day, the festivities wore her out and she passed out on her own without even asking.

Since then, she has only asked once, and fussed a little bit. For the most part, she sleeps through the night, outside of some annoying itchy big bites, or waking up for a water or some apple.

Getting her to sleep consists switching between lots of  active play in the evening to tire her out, backwearing, guided children’s meditation, back rubs, soothing music, soothing baths and lots of stern “we’re done talking, lets focus on sleeping now” from an exhausted mom or dad.

My kiddo has gone through lots of changes recently, transitioning to her own bed, potty learning, and weaning. I have had no engorgement or mood swings that sometimes come with weaning. I think taking it slow and being gentle with the both of us has been our saving grace. I am over the MOOOON to be done, I also feel a little guilty that she won’t have mama milk if she get’s sick to keep her healthy. But, I believe in myself, herbal medicine, and her immune system, I know she will be fine.

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I hope this helps someone!

Peace,

Farai

 

 

Why We Still Babywear

Black Babywearing week is upon us, and it love what this week gives homage to.  Babywearing is sacred to me. Not only is it a beautiful part of my journey as a caregiver, but as a black woman, I join the legacy of the women who wore me.

Babywearing doesn’t have to end in toddlerhood. If you are able to bear your toddler’s weight, I would make the argument that it is just as important and useful as in infancy.

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Almost 3 and over 30 lbs!

No matter how independent and adventurous toddlers get, they still crave the closeness and security that comes with wearing.

As my babe approaches 3(!) and weighs over 30 lbs, I see no current end in our babywearing journey. 

Here are 4 reasons we are still babywearing in our house:

Closeness/Bonding

Toddler’s have big feelings. Wearing them allows them to self-regulate by being close to you. It fosters secure attachment, allows them to feel safe, and cared for too. 

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Gotta wash dishes and wear your cool toddler sometimes

Safety and Security

Toddler’s be running. Sometimes i’m in less than ideal places like carnivals or crossing busy streets. Wearing reduces my worry as I can keep her close.

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Someone fell asleep at a wedding, no beds here, so up she goes!

Comfort

I’d much rather strap my kiddo to my back , than navigate a stroller in and out of my car as I run errands. Also, as a minimalist, I prefer to travel simple. A carrier and a bag is typically all I need when spending all day out with my toddler. 

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Back wearing at the thrift store

Convenience

My kid is on a shoe strike, and prefers to be barefoot all the time, sometimes in inconvenient places like the grocery store. Toddler’s also sometimes have meltdowns or want to be carried everywhere. Wearing helps in several different scenarios. It is so convenient. 

Fun side: All the carriers i’m using in this blog post are from Bijou Wear, a Kansas company who I love very much. I own two, but the rest of these of these carriers are borrowed from friends, or from Bijou’s own lending library. 

Happy baby-wearing

Peace,

Farai 

Helina Baby Meh Dai Review

In July, I got to go to the International baby-wearing conference that happened in Iowa. It was fun to meet fellow baby-wearers I have been interacting with for the past two years and meet them face to face. I was especially excited to be around fellow Black baby-wearers.

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Internet friends IRL!

It is no secret that I love supporting POC makers, wearers and artists. A few months ago I learned about Helina Baby Inc  , a Canadian based baby wearing company founded by a black woman. Upon my discovery, I slid rather quickly into their DM’s and joined their ambassador program and they so graciously sent it to me to try out.

First off, I feel like Meh Dais don’t get enough love. As an educator, I like that they are very easy to teach and that they are typically super accessible to caregivers of all body types. The Helina Baby Meh Dai is made with organic cotton and low impact dyes. Its super soft and has the most comfortable feel in hand. Unfortunately, Thandiwe has been on a strict back wearing boycott for several months now, and screams bloody murder when I try to wear her on my back so I only got to try this in the front EVERY SINGLE TIME. She is very strong willed. Nevertheless, I still enjoyed the uppies we got from it.

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Breastfeeding while plant window shopping

My favorite things :

The feel of the fabric : This was my first time using an organic cotton carrier and it felt really good to the touch. I think tactile folks would enjoy using this carrier. It was easy to nurse in as well.

The length of the straps : The long straps make this carrier accessible for babywearers of all body types.

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The arm straps : In my experience, Meh Dai carriers that don’t have wrap straps or shoulder straps with lots of material typically aren’t my favorite, but the way this one is created made it comfortable on my shoulders.

Toddler wearing : Thandiwe is a solid 26 lbs at 2 years of age and was very comfortable in the carrier. It works from Newborn into Toddlerhood and doesn’t require an insert which is a win in my book.

Easy to wash : It is so simple to wash, it just requires a gentle cold rinse in the machine and then hang it to dry. It doesn’t get any simpler than that. If you are anxious about carrier friendly detergents, just use plain ol’ water.

My least favorite thing : I loved the color of this fabric, but it will get stomped on and dirtied much like any carrier. Light fabrics show dirt quicker. This is easily solved by how simple it is to wash the carrier however. DSC_0504.jpg

 

If you are in the market for a Meh Dai, check www.helinababy.ca out! They even have free shipping!

Peace,

Farai

 

MY 2017 FAVES

I love a good list, I love any chance to reflect, and I love beginnings and endings. I also love learning about peoples favorite things because it is always a good chance to learn something new or be reminded of something you had forgotten. So here it is : My 2017 favorite things, some are products, some are concepts, some are new habits that I kept up at. All of these things served me well and brought me joy.

Making my bed – I have loathed this task probably since birth, but the entire year of 2017, I made the effort to make my bed shortly after I woke up. It made me appreciate and love my bedroom space a bit more and I will probably do this for the rest of my life. It made my room more inviting which is exactly what I wanted from the space.

Bijou Babywearing – If you have followed me a while you know how much a I love babywearing. I got my first woven wrap from Bijou for Thandiwe’s first birthday and found a whole new love and appreciation for wrapping from the community and the company. I have the Westy Windmills and Arcadia Goldie wraps and love wearing Thandiwe with them.

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Wearing my snugglebunny in our westy windmills wrap

Journaling – I have always struggled with journaling after my journal was stolen and read by some cruel people. I always wanted to journal but lived in fear that someone would find it and share my innermost thoughts, but I really benefit from expressing myself in writing poems, lists, and prayers. This year I made a point to put my feelings on paper whenever I felt the urge to, it wasn’t regularly (I am hoping to get to that point) but it felt really cathartic every single time and I am looking forward to actually complete a journal and start a new one.
Electric Pressure Cooker – Hot product right now, but anything that cooks dry lentils in 12 minutes has my whole ENTIRE heart.
Lush Coalface soap Seriously, one small piece of this soap lasted my partner and I 8 months. I bought my first bar for my birthday in January of 2017 and didn’t to replace it till August. I used to go through bottles of face wash often before. This is package free and works so well for the both of us.
Public library – With apps like hoopla, and overdrive, my public library gave me free access to so many good books this year. Also for providing free indoor play areas, story times and a rotating access to board books for my little one has been indispensable. Go visit your local library.
Wide toe box shoes with good support – So many brands make a good wide toe box shoe. I love a cute shoe as much as the next girl, but as the mom of a toddler, I cannot afford feet pain while I’m out here in these streets chasing my little one. From a summer sandal to a hiking shoe to a winter boot, I made an investments in my shoes that allowed me to be comfortable all year long.
Going outside – This goes without saying, but gardening, going on walks, visiting the splash park with Thandiwe were all so lovely this year. Can’t wait to do it all again next summer
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Audiobooks/podcasts – Audiobooks and podcasts do the work of making me feel smarter, well-read, and like a multi-tasker all at the same time. I listened to a lot of podcasts about homeschooling and parenting as well as just general stories like those on This American Life. I even started my own podcast with Black Minimalists.
Afro Jams – I am gonna sound old AF here but most mainstream music just does not do it for me anymore. The misogyny and violence is too much and I can’t listen to it around my kid. I need music to get stuff done like clean or put the baby to sleep and African music always uplifts and gets me moving. A few folks who always see us getting down on my IG stories asked me to put together a playlist of some of my jams. Which I did, here.
Dutch oven – I love a good one pot meal and my cast iron dutch oven has been a such helpful addition to my kitchen.
Local B/S/T/Free groups – No need to break the bank when what you are looking for can probably be found free, cheap, or for trade. From toys, clothes to our awesome new to us breakfast nook, buying second hand is good for the environment and your pocket.

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Yay for craiglist! 

Bottles with loose tea filter – I stopped buying bagged tea and use bulk loose leaf tea.  My bottle with an infuser is super convenient for this process not only because it reduces waste, but because it has a lid to keep my warm beverage closed to exploring toddler hands and faces.
 Cloth diapers – 18 months into cloth diapering and I am still a fan. The money I have saved makes them so completely worth it to me. And the cute prints are fun too. Ill work on a blog post about my cloth routine soon.

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Community Supported Agriculture – a.k.a. CSA’s is a great way to get involved in your community. You get locally grown (sometimes organic) produce at a discount, support farmers, and meet cool people. Our summer CSA was full of yummy greens and lots of fruits and veggies and grass fed meats.
 Mango Butter – My go to multi-use product. I can make a moisturizing, yummy smelling diaper cream, hair cream, body moisturizer, salves, and lip balm with mango butter. Its a staple in my home.
There’s way more on this list but these are my MVP’s. Happy New Year y’all!
Peace,
Farai

Our babywearing chronicles 

This week is International Baby-wearing Week.  I’ve been wearing Thandiwe since she was a few weeks old and it has been an amazing hands-free way to keep her near. Baby-wearing has also been an awesome way for my partner to bond with the baby when he’s with her. He loves how it easy it is to keep her close and it makes putting her down for a nap much easier.  Thandiwe enjoys being worn too, she often comes running when she sees me grab a woven wrap or stops fussing when she sees me buckle the soft structured carrier to my waist.

Finding a carrier that works for your body type can be a challenge which is why I am a fan of trying before you buy. Buying second-hand is also a good way to be eco-friendly and economical. Seeing everyone share their baby-wearing stories all over the internet this week has made me reflect on our baby-wearing journey as well. We have one soft structured carrier, one woven wrap, and one ring sling. I also enjoy trying different carriers from my local baby-wearing chapter’s lending library since I am training to be an educator and need to be familiar with all kinds.

Scroll down to see some photos of us baby-wearing and an inforgraphic from momlovesbest.com about the benefits of babywearing.

Anthony wearing Thandiwe

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Farai wearing Thandiwe

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Peace and baby snuggles,

Farai

Soul Slings Meh Dai Review

If you don’t know this already, I am a huge fan of babywearing.  With baby wearing, I was able to bring my babe to work with me for 6 months and also maintain my sanity at home when I needed to get stuff done. I am on the path to get certified as a baby wearing educator and was looking to try out different carriers. I was really excited when I found out about the Soul Sling Meh Dai because even though its a soft structured carrier, it has these amazing hybrid wrap straps which allowed me to try out different finishes and practice before I started learning woven wraps. I reached out to Soul Slings and they were gracious enough to let me host a carrier for 2 weeks. We had blast using it and took the carrier on lots of walks, errands and just around the house to test it out.

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The carrier is made of linen and is super breathable and great feeling. I was able to carry my 21 lbs, 11 month old  with ease and wiggle around for a few nursing sessions and naps.I will say that the head rest ties are hard finagle when baby falls asleep on you but we figured it out and I loved the overall feel and look of the carrier.

I was excited to work with Soul Slings because it was started by a fellow cloth diapering, attachment parenting, baby wearing family of color in India. I love working with fellow POC all day everyday!

The hybrid wrap straps on the carrier were padded and super comfortable and stayed comfortable on my 3 mile lake walks.

 

 It’s also daddy dancing baby wearing approved . 🕺🏽🕺🏽🕺🏽

​  Thank you to Soul Slings for letting me try out this gorgeous carrier. 
Peace,

Farai